Bloody MONDAY section

I HATE MONDAYS!!!!!!!!

Sí, los odio a muerte. Pero no como uno odia las Navidades, el queso o las tele comedias de perros policía. No, yo hablo de odio de verdad. Odio, con O mayúscula.

Según la Biblia, Dios tardó seis días en construir el mundo, con sus árboles y conejos y gente y toda esa mierda pululando por aquí, y el séptimo día, o sea el domingo, descanso.

Vale. ¿Y que hizo el lunes siguiente?

Pues la maleta.Hizo la maleta y se fue a una playa del Pacifico Sur, desde entonces pasa los días tumbado al sol o jugando al mus con Kurt Kobain, James Dean, Gandhi y el mamón de Curro. Porque seamos sinceros, ¿quien quiere ir trabajar un lunes?

Pues eso. Murphy dijo en una ocasión: “Todo lo que pueda salir mal, saldrá mal. Y además lo hará en el peor momento posible”.

Y digo que: “Todo lo que pueda salir mal, saldrá mal. Y además lo hará en lunes”.

Here's why you hate Mondays

Scientists have discovered a cure for the dreaded Monday morning blues - stop sleeping in on weekends. A new study has found that lazy Saturday and Sunday lie-ins can disturb your body clock, leaving you fatigued at the start of the week.

Flinders University sleep expert Leon Lack said people often used the weekend to catch up on sleep lost during the week. But he told the Australasian Sleep Association Conference in Perth that while this might help pay off a "sleep debt", it came at a cost.

"We've discovered that these sleep-ins are actually putting your body out of whack enough to change your Sunday night bedtime and set you up for Monday blues".

His research team tested the theory by tracking 16 people over a weekend, asking them to go to bed a little later than they would on a weeknight but sleeping-in an extra two hours. By comparing saliva samples and hormone tests he found participants' body clocks had been delayed by 45 minutes.

"That might not sound like a lot but it means that you're not quite as sleepy on Sunday night at the normal bedtime and you'll be much sleepier the next day," Prof Lack said.

Questionnaires completed on Monday and Tuesday showed much higher levels of self-reported fatigue and tiredness compared with pre sleep in days. This was because the subjects' circadian rhythms - which determine patterns of alertness and tiredness - had been disturbed, creating an effect similar to jet lag.

By mid-week most people manage to get back on track but then they start staying up later, getting into "debt" once again and perpetuating the cycle.
"These days, we're pushing ourselves a lot, particularly during the week and the weekend is our only refuge," Prof Lack said.

The problem, he says, is that this comes at a price. "It's a bit like paying off a mortgage - you take out a big one and you'll have a lot to pay off later on."

Porque los lunes son días desmoralizantes, aquí tienes algunos conceptos desmoralizantes a tener en cuenta:

- Customer Relationship Management: si no nos ocupamos de los clientes, quizás dejen de darnos la lata.

- Liderazgo: los mejores líderes inspiran con el ejemplo. Cuando esto no es posible, la intimidación bruta también suele funcionar bastante bien.

- Cualidades: si eres lo suficientemente atractivo en el exterior, quizás la gente olvide lo irritante que eres en el interior.

- Éxito: el secreto del éxito es saber a quién culpar de tus fracasos.

- Cambio: es la corta etapa que te separa de estar navegando entre las olas del cambio y ser devorado por los tiburones del fracaso.

- Conformismo: cuando la gente tiene la libertad de hacer lo que le place, normalmente suele emplearla en imitar a los demás.

- Nepotismo: aquí promovemos los valores familiares; casi tan a menudo como promocionamos a nuestros propios familiares.

- Líderes: un líder se asemeja a un águila: no solemos encontrarnos a ninguno de los dos por ahí.

- Riesgo: si nunca intentas nada nuevo, nunca conocerás los grandes fracasos que la vida te tiene reservados.

- Mediocridad: cuesta muchísimo menos esfuerzo y los demás no se darán cuenta de ello hasta que no es demasiado tarde.

- Estupidez: los que abandonan, nunca ganan: los que ganan nunca abandonan; pero los que nunca ganan Y nunca abandonan son idiotas.

Monday Sickness

A guy works at a new job on Thursday and Friday.

On Monday he calls in and says, "I can't come in today. I'm sick."

He worked the rest of the week, but the following Monday he calls in and says, "I can't come in today. I'm sick."

The boss asks the foreman about him, and the foreman says, "He's great. He does the work of two men. We need him."

So the boss calls the guy into his office, and says, "You seem to have a problem getting to work on Mondays. You're a good worker and I'd hate to fire you. What's the problem? Anything we can help you with? Drugs? Alcohol?"

The guy says, "No, I don't drink or do drugs. But my brother-in-law drinks every weekend, and then beats on my sister. So every Monday morning, I go over to make sure she's all right. She puts her head on my shoulder and cries, one thing leads to another, and the next thing you know, I'm screwing her."

The boss says, "You screw your sister?"

The guy says, "Hey, I told you I was sick."